ASK MR. ETIQUETTE
Johnell Garmany explains how to sail through life without giving offense.
Q. I’m used to standing up when someone new enters a room or arrives at the dinner table. Are rules of etiquette no longer followed? — Stewing in Staten Island
A. Over the years, thanks to smartphones and other distractions, we’ve had a declining aptitude for face- to-face interactions and social etiquette. Even if others around you have abandoned all sense of decorum, that doesn’t mean you should too.
Good etiquette never goes out of style, especially at the dinner table. Stand when someone arrives at the table or enters a room, which shows respect and acknowledges their presence; wait to eat until everyone is served; resist the urge to check your phone; remove a hat at the table.
Another gesture to remember is to hold a door open for others. (Chivalry isn’t dead: Men still should hold it open for women). For a revolving door, guys should go through first so the next person has an easier time pushing. When the recipient of your thoughtfulness thanks you, respond with “you’re welcome” or “my pleasure.”
If you show good behavior and proper etiquette, perhaps others will follow suit.
ASK MR. ETIQUETTE
Johnell Garmany explains how to sail through life without giving offense.
Q. My office has switched to a business-casual dress code. What does that mean for footwear? —Anxious in Asbury
A. You can wear a classic polished shoe, monkstrap or loafer with an open collar sport shirt and tailored pants, or perhaps try a sneaker. Skip the running shoes and go with a fashion sneaker—many of which are just as comfortable as your trusty pair of gym sneakers. Pair your footwear with a matching belt—try a multi-colored, braided belt that can catch the color of the sneaker.
ASK MR. ETIQUETTE
Johnell Garmany explains how to sail through life without giving offense.
Q. A friend invited me to a party I couldn’t attend. Some time later, when I bumped into her in the grocery aisle, she was sore at me—not because I didn’t show up at the party, but because I never told her I wasn’t coming. Really? —Humbled in Highlands
A. Yes, really. Of course you must respond if an invitation says “RSVP,” but it’s polite to do so even if it doesn’t. Accept or decline; don’t say “maybe,” and don’t be silent. And don’t give your answer at the last minute, or you’ll mess up the host’s planning. Stick to your word. The worst mistake is to say you’ll attend and then not show. This costs the host money and prevents your spot from being filled by some lonely heart. It could also cost you a friendship.
ASK MR. ETIQUETTE
Q. A lot of invitations these days say “cocktail attire.” What the heck does that mean? —Mystified in Middletown
A. Your host is saying, “Get out of the business suit, lighten up and let’s have some fun.” That could mean no tie. It’s your option. A sport coat, however, is a must—paired with an exciting shirt and a great pocket square. Depending on the occasion, the party location and what your spouse is wearing, jeans can be appropriate. Trousers will certainly give you a dressier look. Naturally, accessories are key—shoes should be less serious, the belt should work with the shoes. Last but not least, make a splash with your socks. Colorful socks show a little more sartorial character when you’re kicking back with a cocktail.